I got to Kansas City on a Frid’y
By Satturdy I lairned a thing or two
For up to then I didn’t have an idy
Of whut the modren world was comin’ to!
I counted twenty gas buggies goin’ by theirselves
Almost ev’ry time I tuk a walk.
‘Nen I put my ear to a Bell Telephone
And a strange woman started in to talk!
(Whut next! Yeah whut! Whut next?)

Ev’rythin’s up to date in Kansas City
They’ve gone about as fur as they c’n go!
They went and built a skyscraper seven stories high,
About as high as a buildin’ oughter grow.
Ev’rythin’s like a dream in Kansas City,
It’s better than a magic lantern show!
Y’ c’n turn the radiator on whenever you want some heat.
With ev’ry kind o’ comfort ev’ry house is all complete.
You c’n walk to privies in the rain and never wet your feet!
First time: (Yes sir!)
They’ve gone about as fur as they c’n go,
They’ve gone about as fur as they c’n go!
Second time: They build them right inside the house
With everything complete
They’ve gone about as fur as they c’n go,
Repeat

Ev’rythin’s up to date in Kansas City
They’ve gone about as fur as they c’n go!
They got a big theayter they call a burley-que.
Fer fifty cents you cud see a dandy show.
One of the gals was fat and pink and pretty,
As round above as she was round below.
I could swear that she was padded from her shoulder to her heel,
But later in the second act when she began to peel
She proved that everything she had was absolutely real!
She went about as fur as she could go, (Yes sir!)
She went about as fur as she could go!