Bosom Buddies (1966)
(wm) Jerry Herman. (I) Musical: Mame by Angela Lansbury and Bea Arthur. 1974 film version by Lucille Ball and Bea Arthur.
Vera and Mame:
We’ll always be bosom buddies,
Friends, sisters and pals;
We’ll always be bosom buddies,
If life should reject you,
There’s me to protect you.

Vera: If I say that your tongue is vicious,
Mame: If I call you uncouth;
Vera and Mame:
It’s simply that who else but a bosom buddy
Will sit down and tell you the truth.

Vera (spoken): Tho’ now and again I’m aware that my candid opinion may sting,
Mame (spoken): Tho’ often my frank observation might scald
I’ve been meanin’ to tell you for years
You should keep your hair natural like mine.
Vera: If I kept my hair natural like yours, I’d be bald.
(singing) But darling,
Vera and Mame:
We’ll always be dear companions,
Vera: My crony,
Mame: My mate;
Vera and Mame: We’ll always be harmonizing,
Vera: Orphan Annie and Sandy,
Vera and Mame: Like Amos and Andy.
Vera: If I say that your sense of style’s as far as off as your youth; It’s simply that who else but a bosom buddy will tell you the whole stinkin’ truth.

Mame (spoken): Each time that a critic has written, “Your voice is the voice of a frog!” Straight to your side to defend you I rush; you know that I’m there ev’ry time that the world makes and unkind remark. When they say “Vera Charles is the world’s greatest lush!”
(singing) It hurts me!
Vera: And if I say your fangs are showing, Mame, pull in your claws. It’s simply that who else but a bosom buddy will notice the obvious flaws!

Mame (spoken): I feel it’s my duty to tell you it’s time to adjust to your age; you try to be “Peg O’ My Heart”, when you’re “Lady Macbeth.” Exactly how old are you, Vera? The truth!
Vera: Well, how old do you think?

Mame (spoken): Oh, I’d say somewhere in between forty and the death!
Vera and Mame (singing): But sweetie,
Vera: I’ll always be Alice Toklas,
If you’ll be Gertrude Stein.
And tho’ I’ll admit I’ve dished you,
I’ve gossiped and gloated,
But I’m so devoted.
Mame: And if I say that sex and guts made you into a star, it’s simply that who else but a bosom buddy
Will tell you how rotten you are.
Vera and Mame:
Just turn your bosom buddy for aid and affection,
For help and direction, for loyalty, love and forsooth!
Remember that who else but a bosom buddy
Will sit down and level and give you the devil,
Will sit down and tell you the truth!